For the most part, mid-February has been the dominion of sappy romantic movies, as they are scheduled to coincide with the ultimate date night for cinemas. But even Valentine's Day is susceptible to the curse of the seasonal slasher, and over the years we’ve had the seminal My Bloody Valentine (1981), its wonderfully trashy 3D remake (2009), and other lesser-remembered fare such as 2001’s Valentine. It’s been very quiet on that front though for some time, although the recent release of the enjoyable Companion kind of hits the same themes and trashes the notion of “true love” to a satisfying degree. But now here’s Heart Eyes, a (somewhat oddly named) mash-up of a Scream-type slasher and a generic meet-cute/feel-good rom-com. To be honest, though, that scheduling hasn’t been kind to its chances at the box office. It crashed into the might of the Super Bowl in the USA, and it’s going up against (eww) Bridget Jones in the UK and the latest Marvel movie. Still, going by the fun red-band trailer and good advance word, it’s the film of choice for those with a taste for slicey-dicey shenanigans as opposed to generic feel-good gloop. Also, it’s directed by Josh Ruben, who gave us cult favourites “Scare Me” and “Werewolves Within”, who is (apparently) an aficionado of rom-coms as well as the horror genre. Who’d a thunk it? Is it a case of love or hate though?

 

The (frankly barking) premise sees several cities in the good ol’ USA being terrorised by a travelling serial killer. During, the previous two years the unknown psycho has slaughtered several loved-up couples in the throes of Valentine’s Day celebrations and authorities are expecting the same this year. Sure enough, as a dude proposes to his girlfriend in a nauseous social-media-minded moment just outside Seattle, the “Heart Eyes Killer” (HEK for short), kills them both, as well as the photographer for good measure. Meanwhile, Ally McCabe (played by Olivia Holt, who has all the qualities for another fine modern scream queen) is on the verge of being fired for a tasteless advertising campaign that has displeased the seething masses of keyboard warriors who must be obeyed. Her boss has brought in trusted troubleshooter and all-round-hunk Jay Simmons (Mason Gooding from the latest Scream entries) to save the day. This is awkward for Ally, as she’s already met him (and left him with a facial injury) at the coffee shop earlier. Nevertheless, they have chemistry and are obviously made for each other despite only having just met. Unfortunately, this makes them a prime target for a certain masked killer, which means it’s going to be a long and dangerous Valentine’s night.

 

We haven’t had (I think) an original, straightforward, non-paranormal, non-sequel, non-remake slasher on the big screen since Thanksgiving in 2023… and even that was based on a spoof trailer from 2007! That might seem a bit niche, but masked nutters with big knives were once the backbone of modern horror. So it comes as a pleasant surprise to see this rom-com-horror embrace the nastiness and not skimp on the gore. Whilst it has its issues (which we’ll get to in a moment), you can’t say that it isn’t bloody or half-hearted with its kills. This is demonstrated within the opening sequence which features a couple of bloody wounds before featuring a death where you half expect the camera to cut away or wipe before the fatality. It doesn’t. And that tone and attitude is carried throughout the film. In fact, HEK is a nicely realised slasher villain, merging the hefty machete swings of Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers, with the sneaky attacks and cold-hearted viciousness of Ghostface. It doesn’t hurt that the mask is slightly reminiscent of the creepy button-eyed disguise that Decker (David Cronenberg) wore in Nightbreed (1990). Only with hearts for eyes. Obviously.

 

The look and vicious qualities of HEK are very much a plus point for the film and it makes for some fine sequences where he stalks the darkened corridors of a police station or strides through the panic-stricken hordes of a drive-in. It’s quintessential horror played remarkably straight, although it plays up to the well-worn tropes and cliches of modern horror. This is where Heart Eyes works to its absolute best and merges horror with comedy without mocking the situation. Case in point, the superb moment where HEK is found lurking in a cupboard but is realistically stymied by some good old-fashioned fisticuffs, frantic swearing, and a sex toy to the face! In these sequences mentioned, HEK is a very real threat, is genuinely intimidating, and the characters react (mostly) in a realistic way to the situation. It’s actually kind of refreshing to see and it helps that the leads are more than up to the job.

 

Holt makes for a good leading lady/final girl and channels the spirit of either Julia Stiles (who she greatly resembles) in a rom-com or Jamie Lee Curtis in a slasher. If that seems a slightly odd combination, it meets the specifications of the job. One minute Abby is accidentally head-butting her crush, and the next she’s believably kicking bad-guy ass on an out-of-control carousel. Hell of a scream as well. As the other half of this ‘scar-struck’ couple, Manning also does a pretty good job of playing a character that could be irritating or too-smooth, but actually comes across as likeable and can snark as well as his female counterpart when there’s a need for it. Jordana Brewster also makes the most of her flirty and date-app-obsessed officer, although Devon Sawa is a little wasted in the role of the snarly “bad cop”. As such, there’s an unexpected level of goofy humour that is reminiscent of Edgar Wright’s Hot Fuzz, as it mixes gory murders with pratfalls, dad jokes, and meta-movie references.

 

Whilst the horror tropes are instantly recognisable, if you’re wondering what the go-to sources are for the romantic elements, a pep-talk from Ally’s BFF towards the end of the film will leave you in no doubt. She berates her for 10 Things I Hate About You and says that life is all about Love Actually. As subtle AF, and it tends to prompt groans rather than smirks. And it might be me being mean and a hater of the average rom-com, but Heart Eyes comes down just a little too hard on the romantic cliches for its own good. The first twenty minutes after the opening murder is entirely devoted to the meet-cute narrative, with the clumsy coincidences and all the other guff you would expect. What you might not be expecting though is a two-minute dressing-up montage and a last-minute dash to the airport to declare true love. Yeah, it’s all meant to be ironic and played with a knowing wink, but there’s a lot of screen time spent on that aspect, and it jars with the overall tone sometimes. You almost feel like you’re watching an Airplane or Scary Movie type spoof when some of the gags feel forced or unnecessary. Check out the moment where Ally and Jay talk about their fear of commitment in a heartfelt moment as they hide in a van, whilst a stoned couple shag gleefully behind them and HEK stalks around the outside. Bizarrely jarring.  

 

It's this slightly uneven quality that prevents it from getting a higher score and may affect its “legs” at the box office. Don’t get me wrong, it is still very entertaining and enjoyable for the majority of the time. How can you not love the scene (and award marks for realism) when the leading lady heavily barfs all over a corpse after accidentally swallowing their blood? Or when Ally guiltily proclaims that she’s led the killer to an “all-you-can-kill buffet”. Not to mention the fact that HEK has heart-stamped weaponry (like a Marvel supervillain) and has their identity and motive revealed in a gloriously stupid fashion. Then there’s THAT death scene at the climax, which is wonderfully gratuitous and needlessly graphic. It’s had some good reviews, and it may well build up that cult following that would inevitably lead to a sequel. And that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing, but let’s cut back a tad on the meta-romance and goofy humour. Love hurts.