In the Lost Lands (15)

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Screenplay: Constantin Werner, Paul W.S. Aderson, George R.R. Martin

Starring: Dave Bautista, Milla Jovovich, Arly Jover
Running time: 101 minutes

Cinema

​

Review: Dave Stephens

​

The production of In the Lost Lands has been trundling along in the background of development Hell since 2015. This was four years after Game of Thrones hit TV screens and became the televisual behemoth that it did. So it was no surprise that artistic rights to George R. R Martin’s other works were snapped up during this time. The German media mogul Constantin Werner snatched dibs on several short stories, with the same-named tale being the one that mainly inspired this project. Despite several derailments and re-castings, that film adaptation is now here on cinema screens in the US and UK. It stars Milla Jovovich and Dave Bautista as a witch and a hired hunter, who journey into an apocalyptic landscape to accomplish a quest for a specific magical power. It’s directed, like all the original Resident Evil films and Monster Hunter (also with Jovovich as lead kick-ass), by Paul W. S. Anderson. Getting an early premiere in Australia last month, it’s now in circulation around most of the world. But is it a necessary evil or should it just get lost?

 

After a brief intro from one character and establishing that the story takes place in a devastated future, the film starts (as all good “Westerns” should) with an old-fashioned lynching. A woman called “Grey Alys” (Jovovich… seriously, when is she going to have the good grace to start to visibly age) is perched atop a cross-shaped tombstone with a noose around her neck. She is berated and denounced as a witch by Ash (Arly Jover), an enforcer loyal to the religious “Overlord” who enslaves the general population in a fortified city. However, being a “witch” she escapes her fate with some magical shenanigans and general kicking-of-the-butt. Recovering in her lair, Alys is approached by the Overlord’s Queen (Amara Okereke as Melange) with a proposal to obtain the power of a “shape-shifter” (Werewolf to you and me) in the distant Lost Lands. Being cursed to never refuse a direct wish and subsequent payment (for some reason that is never explained), Alys is bound to make the journey and seeks out a character called Boyce (Bautista) to help her find such a creature, who apparently resides by the ominously named Skull River. The problem being that she must confront and kill the creature before the next full moon, has the army of the Overlord chasing her across the wasteland, and needs to slaughter dozens of mutants along the way.

 

The word you’ll probably see most often in reviews of ITLL is “eyesore”. And to be blunt, it’s not hard to understand why. This is possibly one of the dingiest films you’ll ever see on a big (or small) screen. 90% of the footage looks like it’s been shot through a sepia filter, being bereft of any colour apart from yellowish dirty copper tones that quickly become unappealing. There are occasional other colours, namely dark blue (nighttime) and dull red (explosions, fire, and one sun-rise), But by the time you leave the cinema, your eyeballs will be crying out for some bright primary colours to ease the suffering. That might seem like a mean tirade, but Jeez… I know it’s supposed to be Armageddon-times and a sort-of homage to blistering landscapes of Spaghetti Westerns, but the dull palette robs certain sequences of any spectacle. A scene involving a (should-be) spectacular vehicle crash just looks like it was filmed at dusk in an attic.

 

Speaking of Westerns, that’s part of what this film desperately wants to be. It aspires to be an eclectic mixture of that genre, along with the aesthetics of Mad Max, the politics of Game of Thrones, and the intrigue of a dark fantasy. Instead, it feels like one of those quickie sword and sorcery films that were all the rage in the 1980s, like The Sword and the Sorcerer, Hawk the Slayer, or Krull… except being not half as entertaining as any of those. The problem is that it feels so perfunctory and by the numbers that you half expect some kind of “AI-made” scandal to break out from it. The landscape is ram-packed full of unlikely post-apocalyptic tropes that make you roll your eyes. Beached and battered battleships litter the desert, massive pylons and wind farms dominate the horizon, and mounds of human skulls bother the ground. Presumably, the message being if there is a nuclear war; hide in a warship, shelter under a pylon, or wear a helmet, and you might stand a chance. Everything else just gets obliterated. Apparently. The only minor concession to a bit of innovation are the huge crucifixes that are constructed in the city and in some areas, which hints at the Inquisition-type tyranny of the Overlord. Nobody expected it (heh), But apart from Ash banging on about witches being in cohorts with the Devil, and The Patriarch (Fraser James) being quite keen on God, this element is never really explored beyond the obvious conflicts. And neither is the social revolution that couldn’t-give-a-shit Alys is supposed to inspire.

 

That’s pretty much indicative of the narrative. You’re just expected to accept that stuff like genuine magic and lycanthropy exists in this ruined future, but the foundations are never built and some of it is just ludicrous in practice. For example, Alys can (apparently) influence minds and create visions as long as she can make eye contact. Cue a laughable scene later on, where Ash and all her cohorts are wearing Ray-Bans to prevent this! Shop-condition Ray-Bans. In the far future. Stopping witchcraft. Seriously. This is all the more ridiculous given that she muddles the brain of someone when they are looking through the scope of a sniper rifle. Also rather annoyingly, the reason for Alys being a “wish-hussy” is never validated. She just keeps saying that she can “refuse no-one” when granting wishes, without any explanation for the repercussions of not doing so or anything. Maybe the idea was to further develop her history with adaptations of more short stories, but given the reception of the film so far a prequel or sequel doesn’t look very likely.

 

In defence of the film to some extent, there are moments that, at least at face value, are quite cool in a visual and immediate sense, not that you’ll probably remember them later. The skeletal mutants have promise and for a split-second that film adopts an almost classic Ray Harryhausen-type of fantasy feel to it. And the sight of a muscular wolf-man bounding along the ground and leaping at a giant raven is never not going to make the hairs on your arm stand up, even if it is realised in cheap-ish CGI. The best images are like Heavy Metal album covers in motion and are not immediately negated by the washed-out colours in evidence. It is these points that come close to working, where you can switch off your brain and just let the fantastical qualities wash over you. Unfortunately, those come in a minority during the 100-minute running time.

 

When it comes to the lead roles Jovovich and Bautista are not served well. Whatever your feelings towards the actors, both have fared remarkably well with material that makes the most of their abilities (The Fifth Element, Blade Runner 2049, etc). Jovovich still looks cool when doing close combat in slo-mo and practising Gun-Fu. Bautista has the heft and presence to carry off the physicality. But the chemistry isn’t really there for a partnership, and they just don’t seem to be having much fun, often hissing their lines with gritted teeth and a sour expression. The portrayal of Boyce as a veritable lady-killer, with all female characters nearly swooning at his feet, just seems plain odd. Other members of the cast aren’t allowed to shine either. Okereke (an award-winning stage actress), James, and Deidre Mullins all seem wasted in roles that are never fully expanded and often have ambiguous (or daft) motives.

 

At the end of the (Judgement) day, if you have a penchant for undemanding dark fantasy or really, really miss the Anderson Resident Evil films (along with some of the shared cast, Herne Hill media also did the visual effects to this and those films), then you might get a kick out of this. Otherwise, it’s likely to go to streaming very quickly and will be quickly forgotten about. Like Monster Hunter, do not expect this to turn into another franchise. Lost and unlikely to be found.